


How do I live?

by MrsNeillans87



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Ass-Kicking, Charming Le Chiffre, Dark Will, Death, M/M, Sarcastic Will, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:24:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6214318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsNeillans87/pseuds/MrsNeillans87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes your first stab at love isn't necessarily a lasting one but it can form the basis of something far greater.<br/>The story of how Will Graham lost his mind, fell in love, got over his shit and then fell for someone who actually doesn't care if he kills people or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How do I live?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all you lovely Fannibals .... hmm, perhaps I'm being a bit optimistic with the "all you" comment... thinking that there may be more than one of you - but here's hoping! And if not then thank you to the one person who reads this... and if no one does... well then..... I guess I'm talking to myself as per usual... I'm married so its normal for me!! ... 
> 
> This was a random plot bunny that developed while I was listening to sam smith's writing on the wall... then I got thinking about Mads... Le Chiffre... and it kinda all spiralled from there... Please let me know what you think. I've never written a Hannibal fic before... Not Beta'd.... Anyone who would like the job then feel free to send me a message....

I never meant to fall in love. I know, they all say that don’t they?... Oh I didn’t mean to but we spent so much time together that when it came to going our separate ways I just couldn’t imagine going back to the way things were?... Or my personal favorite, I didn’t go looking for love it just found me? … Utter crap - all of it. 

Why? Because humans instinctively seek companionship, it’s a survival mechanism left over from prehistoric times, survive or die… and lets face it, the odds are better if there’s more than one of you… and of course there’s the whole procreation thing. The need to spread ones seed in order to further populate the world… you can tell by just looking at some people, their parents should have really put up more of a fight when they giving into that urge…

But I’m getting a bit off track now aren’t I? Love. When logic leaves your head and goes out your ass. I still believe that. Falling in love ruined me, the first time at least…. The second? Not so much – but I’m getting ahead of myself here. Again. 

So backtracking a little… 

I never meant to fall in love…why? (I know I’m going again with the why? – It sounds more like I was the shrink and not the patient) because the first time I fell in love, it almost totally and utterly consumed me. 

It reached the point that there was barely anything left of what I could have previously defined as the essence myself. I was just blood and bone. Even then I think the very marrow of my bones would have been emblazoned with the words ‘property of Hannibal Lecter.’

I think if I’m honest though, truly honest – it was only in doing that, giving up everything that I was, the only identity I had ever known as my own – that I discovered my true self. It’s just a shame that my true self turned out to be a totally different sort of creature than either myself or Hannibal ever expected.

I won’t lie, it’s not like I had some grand epiphany – this realization came to me after months of ignorance. Denial …And debate (lots and lots of angry shouting) 

Do I regret the truth? No, I don’t – how could I regret something that has become almost as natural to me as breathing. There are days I resent it, I resent the fact that I’m no longer my own man. But those moments are fleeting. 

Before we go any further I should also explain that when I say I’m his man, I’m not referring to Hannibal … or even Jack for that matter. 

Jack.

That feels like an age ago. Sitting in that room at the FBI, him telling me that I’m his guy on the inside. But then again it practically was another lifetime ago, when the man the world thought of as Will Graham still existed. But he doesn’t, not anymore. He exists only in memory.

No. The man who I am referring to is someone else entirely and I’m the first one to admit that if I was to judge our relationship on what society seems to dictate is ‘normal’ then its seriously fucked up for many reasons. The first being he has no issue killing and torturing those who he views as deserving of it (shocker I know) The second, he is responsible for making money for people who really shouldn’t be trusted with it….arms dealers, terrorists, embezzlers, corrupt politicians and that’s just a few examples. And the third, I don’t even know his real name.


End file.
